Does a mother have the right to transmit and implement a child's opinion aged 7-9 as a ready-made unconditional decision?

The question of whether a child's opinion from the early school age (7-9 years) can be the basis for unconditional decisions touches on key aspects of developmental psychology, pedagogy, family law, and ethics. The direct answer is: no, she does not have the right to consider a child's opinion as a ready-made unconditional decision, but she is obligated to consider and respect it when making the final decision, which corresponds to the level of maturity, safety, and the child's interests. This dilemma is between two extremes: authoritarian ignoring of the child's will and infantilizing delegation of overwhelming responsibility.

1. Psychological aspects: cognitive and emotional abilities of a child aged 7-9

This age (early school age) is a period of concrete operations by Jean Piaget. The child is already capable of logical thinking, but within limited, concrete frameworks. His ability to predict and evaluate the long-term consequences of his desires is still extremely limited.

• Egoism: Although weakened compared to the preschool age, it still manifests. The child has difficulty fully taking into account the interests and feelings of others in complex situations (for example, when planning the family budget or choosing a school for a brother/sister).

• Immediate gratification and hedonistic motivation: Decisions are often dictated by immediate desire, emotion ('I want to now') or avoidance of discomfort ('I don't want to go to the doctor because it's scary'), rather than analyzing the benefits/harm.

• Dependency on authority and seeking boundaries: A child of this age subconsciously expects adult guidance and clear boundaries. The complete transfer of the right to decide disorients and increases anxiety, as his psyche is not ready to bear such a burden. This may lead to so-called 'early adulthood' and emotional burnout.

Example: An 8-year-old child may categorically refuse a necessary operation based on fear. Unconditional adherence to his opinion puts his health at risk. The mother's task is not to cancel the operation, but to recognize the fear, help overcome it, and explain the necessity of the action.

2. Legal and ethical boundaries: the adult's responsibility

According to the Family Code of the Russian Federation (Article 63, 64), parents are responsible for the upbringing and development of their children, are required to care for their health, physical, mental, spiritual, and moral development. They are the legal representatives of their children and act in defense of their rights and interests.

• The child's right to express an opinion is enshrined in Article 57 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation and the Convention on the Rights of the Child. It must be taken into account when resolving issues affecting his interests (choice of educational institution, circle, place of rest). However, the law speaks of consideration, not unconditional submission.

• The boundary between considering an opinion and irresponsibility: Delegating the decision-making on vital issues to a child aged 7-9 (for example, about the place of residence after a divorce, the need for serious treatment, the daily routine and diet) is a form of permissive parenting style and may be considered as a failure to fulfill parental obligations.

3. Risks of unconditional adherence to a child's opinion

1. Delegating overwhelming responsibility: A child whose word becomes law quickly understands that adults are not coping with their role. This leads to anxiety, a sense of insecurity, and overresponsibility, which is a direct path to neurosis.

2. Formation of egocentrism and social maladjustment: A child whose impulsive desires are unconditionally fulfilled does not learn to take into account others, negotiate, endure, and make efforts. This hinders his integration into any groups (school, later — work).

3. Failure to develop important skills: Decision-making is a skill that is gradually formed under the guidance of an adult. If the decision is always ready (his opinion), the child does not learn to analyze alternatives, weigh 'for' and 'against', bear responsibility for the consequences.

4. Risk to safety and development: The child's opinion may contradict objective needs for safety, education, and health.

4. Constructive model: how to consider an opinion when making a decision

A healthy position for a parent is authoritative, not authoritarian upbringing. The adult makes the decision, but the process of making it includes the child.

• Proportionality: The issue must correspond to the age. The child has the right to choose which book to read at night, what jersey to wear, or what dessert to prepare on the weekend. He does not have the right to decide whether to get vaccinated or move to another city.

• Explanation and dialogue: The adult is required to explain why a particular decision was made, especially if it contradicts the child's immediate desire. 'I understand that you want to stay home and play, but we need to go to the doctor to check your health and not get sick.'

• Providing limited choices: This is a powerful pedagogical technique. Not 'will you clean your room?', but 'will you start cleaning with toys or books?'. In this way, the child feels his agency (ability to influence the situation), but within the boundaries set by the adult.

• Recognizing emotions, even if the decision is unchanged: 'I see that you are very angry because I don't allow you to play on the computer for another hour. The rules are like this. Let's think about what else we can do that is interesting'. This teaches the child to live with frustration, not to avoid it.

Interesting fact from research: Psychologists D. Baumrind and E. Maccoby identified parenting styles. Children of authoritative parents (who combine high demands with warmth, dialogue, and consideration of opinion) demonstrate the highest level of self-regulation, social competence, and academic achievements. Children of permissive parents (who are just inclined to cater to the child) often have problems with self-control and low academic performance.

Conclusion

The right and obligation of a mother (parent) is to make final, balanced decisions that ensure the safety, health, and long-term well-being of the child. The opinion of a child aged 7-9 is a important, mandatory to listen to and respect signal about his needs, emotions, and developing personality. However, this is raw material for adult contemplation, not a ready-made verdict.

Transmitting and implementing a child's opinion as an unconditional truth means abdicating parental responsibility, harming the emotional development of the child, and depriving him of the necessary sense of security. True respect for the child is not in blind submission to his will, but in attentive dialogue, honest explanation of boundaries, and gradual transfer of responsibility as he grows up, when he will be truly ready for it. The balance between respect for autonomy and ensuring guidance is the art of parenting.

Permanent link to this publication: